This isn't for everyone, and not even in a benign way.

If you’re still making excuses about all the reasons you're not quite ready to do that thing you know you must do - perhaps it's not the time, or you think life isn't so bad after all - then this will probably make you mad.

That may be good, though. May be what you need. Perhaps somewhere - in the back of your brain, or the pit of your stomach, or the hole in your chest - that even might be what you want.

So I'm just going to assume that if you're still here, you've got a need-to-do or a must-fix. A thing. If you didn't, you wouldn't care. You'd still be in the blissful, peaceful, just-hectic-enough-to-distract-you-and-make-you-feel-okay-about-ignoring-it dark. But you're not there anymore, are you? You've seen. And now you can't unsee.

Well, fuck. My condolences. It's the worst.

Maybe it's vast inequality in the world. Maybe it's insidious rot in your own mind. Maybe a dying earth. A wrong job. A damaging relationship. Maybe you just realized that you aren't where you wish to be, or worse still who you wish to be; and here you are in a life you've built and you don't like it. Who let this happen; when did this fail; how did you miss it; WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO?

You've got to MOVE.

If you can't stand this place, this injustice, this job, this mindset, this relationship, even one more instant, you must move. Now.

You already have an idea of what needs to be done. You might even know how to start: that infinitesimally small gesture that feels like an insurmountable peak until you’re standing on it. The next step.  Not only throwing out the cigarettes, but dousing them in water. Not smiling and nodding, but stepping away. Edit your resume. Apologize. Take a break. Change a habit.

Or not. You can ignore it, too. Lots of people do. They have that thing in their hearts and they look back instead, push it down instead, run away instead.

You know the type. You can see the way they're being eaten from the inside out ‘til there’s nothing left but a husk, even if you don't know the cause: The friend who drains you instead of lifting you up; the mentor who causes more doubt than inspiration; the family member who’s voice is in your head – a narrator of shame.

So you can ignore it, if you like. But you and I both know, it won't leave you alone, and it'll interrupt you in the most inconvenient ways. Your kid will say something sweetly optimistic and you'll start weeping. Your coworker will say that shitty thing that he always says, and it won't roll off anymore; each time the words will get wedged between your ribs, cramping your breathing so incrementally you barely notice. Or you'll binge on the numb-er of your choice and everything, everything will still hurt.

And if you simply cannot do that thing right now? Fine. Your choice. Just don't ignore it. That ache, that twinge, that not-quite-rightness? It's good. Necessary. Stockpile your discomfort to use as fuel for the day you decide to live. Hell, make a lasso with it to draw that day closer. The time for change truly is right here, now, but it takes all of us different eternities of suffering to see that. And that's okay. But work on it.

If you're taking your first steps, all you see is the work ahead. You're not wrong. Change is exhausting. We empathize with that object at rest, the one that really fucking wants to stay at rest. Try to remember: at rest is not how you were born or made. You were created in the midst of miraculous, cataclysmic change. You’ve never been at rest. Maximize on that kinetic energy.

We live cyclically in seasons, and sometimes the fight feels easy. I haven’t had a drink in years! I don’t let anyone belittle me! That project went so well! I am in control! These are the times I find the need to remind myself to be grateful but not complacent. Work worth doing is never truly finished, and a static life isn’t what fills us anyway.

Some seasons, we feel we are drowning. We regain weight. We fall off the wagon. We text them. Depression creeps in to remind us of all the ways we are damaged; the ways we are nworthy. It’s not fair! I’ve worked so hard! Am I broken? Can I control anything? Is it worth it? Am I worth it?

Those seasons will come and go, and everything in between. And that’s good. You know it, too, know that the hard times are what make you fearless, the pain is what taught you to love. There will be dark days, darker than you or I can imagine. You will survive them. You’re strong enough, today, now, to take it on, and you will be then. There will be glorious successes. You must survive these, too. Don’t let them make you someone you’re not. Stay focused. You know what you’re here to do.

Most of it, though, won’t be an apocalypse or an ascension to a higher plane of consciousness.

It will be life; Something beautiful and terrible, and you’ll still make mistakes. You’re not a machine, after all. But you’ll get more things more right more often, and you’ll feel it all.

You’ve got to. Feel everything, let it in, sit with it, all of it, the pain, the shame, the joy, the pride, the most secret of wishes, and the memories you’ve tried so desperately to forget that even you barely believe them anymore…feel them. When you run, they hold power. When you ignore, they sink their claws in. When you pick and chose, fear creeps up to remind you that nothing is forever. Face them head on. You are strong enough. Weep. Sprint. Scream. Laugh. Speak. Yes. Better. Move, every time.

Do your thing. Even with that very first gesture, your heart will open up. Your life will open up. You’ll find strength you never dreamed of and purpose deeper than you hoped and connection and support and identity and community.  It will hurt, often, and disappoint, and frustrate. It will build. It will test and twist and pull. It will mend. It will fail at times, and be misunderstood. It will create. And if all you can hear are the objections, the fear, just remember how much worse it feels to know there is more, and you’re not even trying for it.

Right?

You know the first step. The rest will follow.

Now.

Move.