Gray

Treat me like you would our dog. 

When you snap, come back and kiss my head

When you might have scared me, hold me tight,

Say you’re sorry

Say you didn’t mean it,

Be close again, like breathing.

Treat me like you would our dog.

Say ‘hi’ with fondness when you see me, 

Spend even a moment with me each day 

That is only for us. 

Believe that when I sit near you it’s because

We are family

And I feel more whole by your side,

And not that it’s a joke, a gimmick, a game,

I’m not laughing.

I know the monsters came in the night

And stole your trust,

But they didn’t steal me. Don’t let them steal me, too. 

And when you sleep away from me, I wake in the morning

And sit by your side

And when you grunt, instead of “I love you,”

I try so desperately to hear you saying you feel undeserving, 

and confirmation not that I am dirt.

Treat me like you would our dog.

Like you want me to remember we are always, like you never want bitterness left on my tongue.
Check in. Once more. Make sure I’ve had enough water. Say you’re sorry when you can’t move with me like I need you to. Neither he nor I judge you for it. Why can you say it to him?

His eyes are sweeter, I know. He’s been around longer. 

I get it. He doesn’t ask questions.

Treat me like you would our dog.

Make sure I know you love me.

Even for a moment.

Every single day.

I could bear anything, then,

If i knew

You knew

We are on the same team. 

I’m a good teammate. I’m not slacking.

Everyday I fight my own darkness to keep moving,

Stay healthy

Remain true,

So that nothing pollutes our bond.

So that when you come back to me,

Our slate isn’t blurred with habits I cast off for you or

Appointments I missed,

Experiences I lost,

In waiting, in aching, in drowning with how this feels just exactly like so many other bonds have left me.

I fight so hard to believe you are different,

Not my father who lashed out at me when he was hurt,

Not my ex who left the room without moving whenever I spoke too close a truth,

You.

Are my person.

I have known since the start.

In looks that felt like a book being translated, 

in clumsy-sweet moments, 

In heat when it’s cold, and cool when I’m burning,

In softness and light, in fear and raw, naked, vulnerability in your hands.

I’m still raw in your hands.

Treat me like you would our dog.

Like even when the power goes out and you’re frozen and I’m stuck, 

You know we are together.

Treat me like you treat him.

Like we belong in the same home.